5 Years of Sharing, Caring, Fighting

5 years ago, this very day H and I got engaged. Oh my! I looked beautiful. I can say this, can’t I? 😉 because I had never groomed myself earlier. That day and my wedding day are special days in my life (and the days between them were tug of war and still are! LOL). I had never dreamt of living with a soul for this long. I still can’t believe I have spent 1825 days of my life with H.

Initial days after marriage were stressful, A LOT, trust me. I guess most married couples must have gone through those tough days. Now my bit sane and rational mind says it is not what you go through but how you deal with it that matters. I haven’t changed myself for H neither I made him to change for me. This I understood much after the difficult phase of my life when ‘separation’ and ‘divorce’ were the only words stuck within me.

I kept myself busy in work to overcome the situation. For the matter of fact, I started ignoring which was not the solution. But work kept me sane. The only way I found peace within me and the relation was – giving up expectations. Yes, the expectations which I had set for him and for me. I never or haven’t given up on us but only the ‘expectation’- the parasite of any relationship.

Pleasant surprises came along my way when I stopped expecting ‘a lot of things’ from him.

I am finding many insights from the book I am currently reading – ‘Committed’ by Elizabeth Gilbert as I said in my previous post. I am not accepting word to word said in the book but I can relate with most of the survey and facts she has mentioned in the book. This post will be too long if I start talking about the book. I shall write a detailed post about my thoughts on it once I finish reading. I am quite happy that I haven’t found it dull rather interesting. Its just been 4 days and I am half way through the book.

I am ending this post by sharing the engagement day pic, 7 April 2012. Happy Engagement Anniversary to me. Cheers to our fights and loving days!!!

engagement, marriage vows, love

Our Engagement Day


Image created using Canva
Credit: Image of golden rings

10 Things I can’t Live Without

In addition to air, food, water and shelter here are my 10 things I can’t live without. Moreover few are my ‘wants’ rather than need.

 10 Things I can’t Live Without

1. H

It is indeed surprising he is on top of my 10 things I can’t live without even though he is not a ‘thing’ (Considering we fight A LOT. lol). What’s more astonishing is its 5 years of living with him! I like to annoy him with pings if he ignores me or mad at me (Cruel, I know ;). This post will be not be enough to explain our relationship, so I will stop right now. 

2. Debit Card

Yes, Yup, Absolutely, Debit Card (s)!It has lessened the burden to carry (lots of) cash all the time.  Whether it is ordering online or buying offline, it is a big saver.

3. YouTube

A huge platform for many hidden talents out there. I love, love, love to watch YouTube videos (never the sleazy ones). It has almost cut down my TV time. Certain YouTubers are truly inspirational. They have inspired me and made me concentrate on healthy and organized lifestyle. I watch them mostly when I cook or clean up my home and my time is worth spend.

I absolutely adore videos by Love Meg, her DIYs and organizational tips are amazing and worth trying out. She has made me more organized and her cleaning routine inspired me every time.

And what can I say about britneyandbaby! I love her family. I have almost seen all of her videos and I await for her uploads.

4. Pinterest 

Really? Yes, you too should miss out in the wonderland of Pinterest. There is mammoth of information over here. Right from home to office, DIYs, blogging, vlogging, maternity, babies, kids, business, I can’t even name all of the info present on Pinterest here.

I found it useful in my day-to-day life. I came across many handy DIYs, tips and tricks. Check it out for sure.


5. Sanitary Napkins

Why not to include these in my 10 things I can’t live without list? Not only me, every menstruating female can’t live without it.

Tip: Always, I mean ALWAYS keep one in your handbag. Who would know when it might come to rescue even if the date isn’t near!

10 things I can't live without, I can't live without list

6. Gaana / Saavn 

This is the subtle way of saying ‘music’ (which is cliched, I know). Both of these Apps keeps me accompanied while I do my household chores. I cannot pick any one as my favorites because they both have some amazing playlist which are unique.

7. Pen

In this world of iphones and android, I still can’t live without a pen. I am a bit old school when it comes to writing down anything or making a list. I love collecting different pens but due to space crunch I have to limit myself. I like regular pens, markers, highlighters are my favorite.

My academic books were filled with underlined sentences, small notes or important points with pencil / colorful pen or highlighter. They indeed helped me memorizing (and not just coloring if you are thinking I was ruining the book :P)

8. To-do list

Of course, if I can’t live without a pen then how can I without my to-do list? This
habit I inculcated by watching YouTube, making my life a bit more organized. Isn’t it satisfying to strike out each point from the to-do list? I feel more relaxed when I accomplish what I ought to-do.

This habit has made me crazy about sticky notes and fridge magnets wherein both are useful when jotting down the list.


Hands down, my infatuation with quotes will never end. May it be high or low in life, quotes always inspire me. Every room in my home has one of my many favorite quotes.

Quotes are like a tiny ray of hope which always pulls me up to realize, “Life goes on…” Try reading quotes more often they have the power to modify our behavior and thoughts.

10. Harry Potter

Yet another way to say that books are my life. They are my oxygen, they keep me alive. They are my companion when I am alone, they are my best friends when I am lonely.

Harry Potter books are the reason I fell in love with reading all over again. They hold a cherished space in my memories. I do hope someday I shall re-read them with my kid.

So, here where my 10 things I can’t live without. I am sure there would be all different things which one could list down, what are yours? I would love to read them. Do share few even if they are crazy ones like mine 😀

Weekend- Reminder of my Infertility

What did I do over the weekend?

weekend post


How about starting the weekend with pamper time? I did just that, prepping for it from the afternoon at work itself. I fall into the sponsored ads with the greed of getting more by paying less. I booked an appointment on the online beauty parlour.

Firstly, I waited and waited for an hour. 2 beauticians assigned for me but both in hurry to complete their respective task (neither of them done it perfectly). My previously well-cut styled hair got ruined (nothing ‘creative hair cut’). Facial and pedicure wrapped up in half hour with no relax feeling.

spa pedicure big stylist

spa pedicure

Lesson learned: Never book an appointment with the company again.

(It would have been much better I did it by myself as I do it often, but I would like to try UrbanClap once due to their good reviews)


H surprised me by telling ‘how about visiting to your moms’ place?’ I was over the moon but I did not reveal it 😉

We travelled via Mumbai local train (as usual). Needless to say they are overcrowded but still I like them. They are the part of my teen life and 20’s.

I love these ballerinas from honey. A gift from H on our second wedding anniversary (2014), the only anniversary we celebrated which eventually did not turn out good (many reasons not to celebrate).

Moms place = No work = Relaxation = Ready Cooked Food


Sev Puri: My one of the favourite Indian chat from many


Lazy morning. Tasty breakfast by Mom. Non-veg food for lunch (Had pomfrey fish after many years).

I was pissed off due to late train and the afternoon heat.

We were on the way to visit a newborn baby. (I was hesitant considering my infertility status). I am not jealous with the pregnancy or baby birth news. Yes but it does hurt and hauls me inside the infertility void. Moreover when I surely know that H would have a reason again to put a finger on me.

I wiped away the image of the newborn from my mind otherwise it would have left me scarred again.

Though I couldn’t get it out while I was folding the laundry and it consumed me. I was numb. I cried to myself. I folded hands and prayed and questioned all over again.

I closed my eyes to hear the question, “When will we have?” and I drowned in sleep as the tear trickled down the corner of my eyes.

Will I ever have a baby?

“The problem is in you.” The doctor said to me in the month of October 2016. That was harsh doctor, you shattered my world by saying that. I know it was your duty to inform be but the way you said it torn my life and more over my hope in million pieces. That was the last day I visited you and I shall never set my foot again.

I did not want sympathy from the doctor or from anyone for that matter. You know how it felt? Imagine someone is scrapping while awake, your hands are tied down and you are helpless. Got it?

Everyone’s fingers were (are) blaming me, condemning me. I myself am a doctor. Never ever I had thought while learning about ‘Infertility’ in medical college that my life would be associated with the word ‘female infertility’. 

My AMH (Anti-Mullerian Hormone) is way too low. (I hate you AMH, what did I ever do that you are taking a leave from my blood and my motherhood away from me). I have what is medically termed as, ‘Premature ovarian failure‘, which means my ovaries are failing and the biggest probability of ‘Premature Menopause’. GOSH!!! I am only 29!

The pain, the hurt of struggling with infertility can be understood only by those who go through it. Believe me! Even if you say, ‘I understand’ if you are/not experienced it, you will ‘never feel’ what I am feeling right now, each moment, every day. My words might not convey the pain but if you want to listen, watch the video by HickMan Vlogs how they beat infertility. Gods grace they have two beautiful kids. Megan speaks her heart out and how it hurts when someone ask about, “Aren’t you planning for having kids?”

(PEOPLE! Stop nagging, because when you ask me about when are you planning it doesn’t sound as if you are concerned but probing in ‘what’s wrong’ or rather ‘who has the problem?’)

Every morning I wake up and there is this emptiness which no one can fill even though I try my best to make myself busy. I do not blame God, but I do fight with him/her. What have I done wrong? Have I committed such a big sin that you are punishing me?

I am tired. I am tired of visiting several doctors. I am tired of going through the sonography probe going up my vagina (always hoping to see ‘Hope’). My heart races every time I do a pregnancy test. The result always has been negative as if my fate is having a good laugh at me.

I have stopped everything of it. I no longer expose my body to artificial rays or medicines. I have a healthy uterus and so the option of IVF is open in front of me by donor eggs. I can’t! I can never! How will I hold the baby who has grown in my womb but not ‘mine’? How will I ever say ‘you are my baby’ but not ‘mine’? This thought shudders me!

I do not cry, not in front of others. But I do cry to myself. I do not have a shoulder to cry on. I snuggle myself and the tears find their way out. I had been wanting to share this since ages to someone. The fear always held me back. 

I am waiting for the two lines on the strip. I am waiting for the morning sickness. I will adore my stretch marks (as not everyone is blessed with them the reason being carrying a baby). I am waiting for the highest threshold of labor pain.

My ovaries might be failing but my faith isn’t. I still have a spark (tiny it might be) inside me, speaking to me, “I will get pregnant. I will see my’hope’ growing in my womb.” ©kohleyed7




Reincarnation: do you believe in it?

What is the word meaning of reincarnation?

It is a noun: the rebirth of a soul in another body.

How about believing in ‘metamorphosis’ which means rebirth but in the same soul? I do believe it.

We all metamorphose in our lifetime for good or bad. Phases of life can be compared to playing tennis. The ball is thrown by unknown life stages. We need to strike back with such a strategy to win a point and not a foul. The audience cheer for us or discourages. Always try to hit the ball!

Unlike tennis life has many sets. We win some, we lose some. 

I do believe in Karma, life will hit us back anytime but in this lifetime not in next one (if there is one).

Daily writing prompts- February 8, Karma chameleon.

Right to health

Is access to medical care something that governments should provide, or is it better left to the private sector? Are there drawbacks to your choice?

It doesn’t matter which sector solely provide medical care. The fundamental being each and every one should have access to medical facility.

The sad reality is: people requiring medical aid cannot avail due to high cost. The sector which treats with minimal cost has long waiting list and by the time the wait is over, it is too late.

Why should the word “affordable” be connected with treatment? Let it be limited to material things- clothes, house, car and many more.

Daily writing prompt:  February 7, Right to health

Will she or will she not?

Write a story or post with an open ending, and let your readers invent the conclusion.

She wrote the last sentence in her journal and kissed it goodbye. She had matchbox and a knife in front of her.

She has poured her heart out in it. Why wouldn’t she? It was her only companion after all. Who knew this day would come when she had to end her journal and her life!

There are secrets hidden inside her journal not that would kill anyone but they might bring a turmoil in many relationships. How many times she pulled herself out from writing in it! But no one would listen her other than the journal which never complained.

She was sure that someone knew about it now as the last memoir written was, “Where will you go now?” not by her.

She was only left with two options now, burn it or kill herself! Burning the journal would not turn the secrets into the smoke and killing herself meant betrayal to many relationships.

What would she do?

Daily writing prompt: February 6 Choose your adventure